*!#$*@

I've been up for the last 48 hours crunching numbers and I've come to a startling realization.

We're all going to die.

Not immediately, although some of you don't have long (I'm looking at you Ted), but eventually, yes, we all must die. The cold dick-like fingers of Death are looming around all of our throats, waiting to squeeze and release.
I know, I was shocked too.  Take a deep breath. I didn't mean to spring it on you like this, but I think everyone needs to know. You're going to die alone, in a pool of your own tears, with only one thought running through your head: I never ate that cheesecake in the refrigerator. Well, that was stupid of you, because now you'll never have the chance.

I guess what I'm trying to say is life's short. Don't waste it listening to Glenn Beck.